Jealousy In Swinging Generally, swingers do not show jealousy on the surface. Most swingers argue that this is because by going to parties together and leaving together, they realize their commitment to each other as a couple. Thus, they do not feel threatened because the other partner has gone into another room to have sexual relations with another individual. One such swinger said, "We both know that each of us have experiences with other people and, yet, we come back to each other because we want to be together" They feel that this gives you a feeling of security that you never had before because you feel and know that the partner is coming back to you even though they have had a sexual relationship with someone else. They feel that this builds up self confidence and security.
For a couple to engage in swinging, they must throw off the belief that having sexual relations outside of marriage is improper, they must break the shackles of the double standard. That is, the wife will be having sexual relations with other males much as the male may have had sexual relations outside the marriage with another partner previously.
Swinging for most women changes their view of the world and sexual relations. Many argue that it has made a complete turn-around in their life from the way they viewed the world two or three years before swinging. In attempting to determine what causes some women to go into swinging, I have already noted that many are urged by their husbands and others go into swinging to carry out their fantasies. One such woman I interviewed reported that she finally acquiesced in going to a swinging party saying that she would not participate but would be willing to go and observe, have dinner and a drink or two. She said:
"Well, I had just enough to drink and I saw a man that I liked. I tried him and I liked him, I'm not kidding you. My whole outlook on life has changed -- it's been a scream. We have talked more, in fact, I think he wants to gag me now, and it's just beautiful. I cannot believe our life since I started participating in swinging. When we first got married he was not particularly interested in sexual relations, but now he won't leave me alone. For anyone in trouble, you should try it. He's 33 and I'm 22, and I don't know, but my sexual appetite is different from his. I mean, I guess I'm sowing my wild oats or whatever, while he just wants it once a week or sometimes twice. I was, like, climbing up the wall with sexual frustration -- or putting it more bluntly, I was not getting enough, and it was driving me up the wall. Since participating in swinging, as I said, all he wants to do is talk and have sexual relations with me all the time."
Swingers generally believe: There is a swinging couple on every block and from this they argue that swingers are not "a bunch of freaked-out people". One woman I interviewed reported that her first evening began when her husband came home and told her they were going to a swinging party. He had seen an ad in the paper, called them up, and the swing club had said to come over for an interview.
So then he said , Okay we have an interview, we have to go right now, get your clothes on". So I thought, wait a minute, we're going to go. So I put my clothes on. I 'm going to play along with this game and here we go. We 're just going for an interview, right! Well, the interview was at 8:00 and the party was at 9:00. So here we were and the next thing I know there were all these people taking their clothes off, and I thought, my God, help me. Tom's really having a ball, that's really what he was doing, and I'm sitting here on the couch having all these mixed emotions. I'm watching these people, and it's not like any other party that I ever been to, not only in the fact that they are taking their clothes off, but they seem to be actually honest and good people, no phoney facade. In fact, I went to the bathroom and this other lady went with me and she asked me it I was having fun, I said, "Not really." She said, "Well, why aren't you balling? Haven't you seen anything you want?" I said. "No, not really". "Well," she said, "listen, you're missing the best thing in my husband, try him". Well I had just enough to drink and I tried him and I liked him.
Some swingers argue that swinging creates stronger bonds between couples. Married couples find that swinging increases their ability to communicate with each other. Many couples believe that if a married couple can discuss swinging together, they can discuss anything. Generally, swingers believe they experience individual growth and develop an ability to communicate better with other people.
Generally:
Swingers believe that swinging has a positive effect on their marriage. About 85 percent of both husbands and wives feel that swinging is not a threat to marriage or love between spouses. None of them reported that their marriage became worse since they began swinging, and the majority feel their marriages have improved. Husbands in particular consistently reported a high level of marital happiness and adjustment. Apparently, swinging has had no negative effect on the sexual lives of the couples; in fact, swinging couples have sexual intercourse more frequently than the general population. More than half of the swinging couples have sex together more than four times a week as compared with only 16 percent of the general population. Many swingers reported that rather than dampening their ardor for each other, swinging often caused an arousal of sexual interest for each other. Many of them often engaged in sex together immediately after resuming home from a swinging party.
