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Swingers Tips and Advice for getting started
There are two primary stages in Swinging: In the first, the curiosity stage, the couple learns how to behave and swing with others. While many females are rather reluctant to get involved in swinging, once they do, they accept initial experiences more successfully than males. Women are generally either enthusiastic converts or completely turned off by the experience. Generally, swingers are relatively no selective when they first become involved. Following the curiosity stage, there is relative selectivity, characterized by increasing individuation of self and others.
In the individuation process of the second stage, a woman becomes selective because she no longer needs to prove she is desired or can satisfy other men.
In order to make the experience meaningful, she arrives at a point where she feels that she must refuse the advances of many men. She learns to define her preferences more clearly and to learn to act on these preferences. This is an experience that many women never have because they rely on their husbands to make decisions in social situations. In short a woman learns to individuate both herself and others in the second stage of swinging.
Men, similarly, learn from swinging.
Once a swinger realizes that his physical responses may very well be due to elements that inhere to the individual relationship rather than to innate sexual inadequacy, he has arrived at a very different conception of sexual relationships. He is better able to see women as human beings to whom he may be attracted and as personalities rather than as objects to be exploited for their sexual potential. In our terms, he can now more successfully individuate relationships with women.
Swinging ordinarily does not result in jealousy or marital break-ups, it may succeed in solidifying marriages by re romanticizing them and thereby making them tolerable and perhaps even enjoyable.
One reason for marital happiness among swingers: Swinging is an activity both spouses do together -- a unique pattern compared with other types of extramarital sex. Most people who continue to participate in swinging believe that such co marital sex embellishes and enriches marriages in all areas, especially in the erotic sector. While most swingers report that it makes a good marriage better, swinging evidently cannot very often save a poor marriage. Some swingers feel that a weak marriage probably will not survive swinging and that perhaps in such cases couples shouldn't swing. A very strong marriage will survive swinging -- but it a marriage is strong, why the need to swing? Hey, why not!
You get to wondering year after year a little bit more about if you could possibly make it with another gal: what would it be like; you want a little bit of variety; you don't love your partner any less but you want something a little bit deterrent. Just the newness of it, the experience with another person is very electrifying. It charges you up. It gives you something that you just can't get from someone that you know very, very well even though you may love them dearly. You just can't it under those circumstances. With swinging you have the opportunity to meet other people. You go with someone and have a sexual experience with someone else and no one thinks the less of you for it.
Some think "Oh, horror, that's supposed to be terrible". Well it isn't terrible and if you're free enough to allow your partner to have the same freedom, then this is fine. It used to be taken for granted that the man could go out and get himself a gal here and there and not too much flap came from this, but if the woman did it -- 'Oh, " again, "that's terrible and horrible". I can't accept that as being horrible and neither can my wife accept it as being horrible. As far as we're concerned, it is a good way to charge yourself up once in a while and get yourself an experience that you just can't get any other way. Your experiences with someone else enhance your own sexual experiences with your own partner. There are just some things you can't do with your own, you have to get them from outside sources.
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